Last Thursday, my partner got up in the morning feeling somewhat irritated. Irritated with the yurt in which I live, with the rain falling from the skies, with the cinnamon that seemed to be missing, you know, the human experience of overall crankiness. No biggie really. Yet, from one instant to another, surprising both her and myself, I reached my limits: ENOUGH!
The (pretty innocent) mood of my partner had triggered a deep conviction of being flawed, not being ‘good enough’, basically, of not having the right to exist. That conviction, when seen for what it is, goes hand in hand with fear. Great ravishing fear.
For me, on moments like this one, it feels like a heavy lid flies off a neatly hidden well in the shades of my consciousness and the depth of that well is dazzling, literally making me nauseous.
What happened next was that →
1. I became motionless, narrow, and foggy (freeze)
2. I tried to avoid my experience (flight)
3. I resented my partner (fight)
4. I remembered what actually helps me in situations like this one. Pfffeeeewwwww....
And that remembrance resulted in me dancing like a rag-doll, singing a loud ‘NO-oooooooo’ and ‘YE-eeeeees’ in the shower, letting the element of water help me release stagnant energies, and sitting down with my partner to share with her about my experience, fears, and desires from a place of (more) calmness and clarity.
After this whole episode, I felt present, compassionate (with myself and my partner), open and expansive. Feeling what there was to feel allowed for intimacy with the moment, and through that moment with my body, my heart, my energy, and spirit.
What we can’t feel we can’t heal →
Now, why am I sharing this event with you, *|FNAME|*, you might be wondering?
For me, the above-sketched situation is an illustration of moving through the experience. When triggered, as we all know if we’re honest, the last thing we want to do is feel what we’re feeling. It takes courage to stay present with our experience, especially when it’s an experience we’d rather not have. But if we don’t, the energy has the great talent to get stuck in our psyche, body, and energy and we become imprisoned by our refusal to feel.
A great part of the work we do within Unveiling Intimacy has its roots in this understanding: what we can feel, we can heal. We can only bring transformation to that which is visible in the light of awareness. This is what motivates us to take out our flashlight of curiosity and a deep longing for freedom, and shine it into the shade.
The paradox of pain and ecstasy →
It’s one of the reasons I love working with sexuality so much.
Because sexuality, as a phenomenon to relate to, has so many connotations, conditioning, stigma and dogma attached to it, I couldn’t even describe the tip of the iceberg here if I wanted to…
This ‘fact’ saddens me deeply from time to time, but it also excites me. Because here, right in our own bodies, lies a great, potent, vibrant, fertile key to unlocking our life energy. It all starts with our willingness to feel. Our willingness to heal.
The great beauty is that, on that feeling & healing journey, the spectrum of our experience broadens. Radiant, fierce, fertile and alive volcanoes usually erupt from deep dark waters.
There is a paradox to the situation:
In order to feel the joy, the aliveness, the fullness of being, the wholeness of being, we also have to face the pain, the stagnation, the separation...
When working with our sexuality it is not much different, we need to move in, in order to move out →
1. We come to terms with where we are. Rather than where we wish to be.
2. We meet our (often hidden) convictions, judgements, withholds, shame and pain regarding this area of our life (and that area, I can promise you, is not limited to our bedroom… This “area” of life-energy is pretty damn HUGE.)
3. We dare to work with them in a way that allows them to soak free of their habitual imprints, ie. bring them into the light of awareness. Use energy to transform energy.
And then... A new space opens up! A space of limitless possibilities, a space of deep trust in ourselves and freedom of expression, freedom of motion, freedom of choice. Do you recognise this, *|FNAME|*?
Through shining the light of awareness into the shade we create a choice. Why? Because we’re no longer running our behaviour on an unconscious imprint. This is the path of stepping into (sexual) adulthood.
It’s a beautiful path.
A slow path.
A ravishing path.
A liberating path.
In order to journey on this path together, we’ve again devised beautiful offerings for you this springtime, including a free webinar on the 22nd of February 2021, for which you can subscribe here. At the moment the ‘set’ programmes are only for those of you owning vagina’s, but soon we’ll launch Unveiling Intimacy’s summer & winter retreat for all of you!
We hope to meet you in one of these spaces and begin, proceed and/or accelerate your ever-unfolding journey into you.
Disclaimer → The above text and suggestions do not (!) apply for events which you would categorise as traumatic, in such situations, please always seek advice from a professional. We are built to do it together.