Fear -
“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi
It is still dark outside. Disoriented, I wake up from the sound of my partner slamming the bathroom door. Immediately and with delicate precision, all my internal judges pull out their pens and paper and start writing their convictions with utmost certainty. They don’t need to wake up to do their work. Physically, I observe how the awakening body contracts around the stomach and narrows in the chest area. “Who in his right mind would slam the door at the break of dawn?” The fridge opens and closes, the gas is turned on, some plates and cutlery make short, sharp noises. In the distance, I hear a couple of barking dogs and now a nearby rooster begins to chant his sunrise hymn. The judges chatter along, affirming, “If he didn’t slam the door, I would still be sleeping. Then, I wouldn’t be hearing any of this. But now, every detail keeps me awake. I’ll bet I can’t get back to sleep again.” I start to twist and turn, in search of a comfortable position. But, it is nowhere to be found. “You see, that’s why you should live alone. You know you need your space and you know how sensitive you are to sounds, not to mention energies.” Sleep seems as far from me as planet Jupiter, and a mosquito bite begins to itch. “Don’t scratch that bite, you’ll only make it worse. You knew you were bound to get bitten when you sat out on the terrace yesterday. And, since you are awake anyway, you might as well make use of your time instead of lazing around in bed, don’t you think?”
